Desert Roses
by Caroaimezoe
Summary: When Leo leaves Raph for Radical, Raph follows them into the desert. DEATHFIC Commission for me by Duz


Summary

When Leo leaves Raph for Radical, Raph follows them into the desert. DEATHFIC

It was too hot to travel by day. Raph didn't know how Leo managed it, but every morning he and Raven rolled out of their tent, disheveled and smiling from a night of making love, and moved on. Raph slept during the day, hiding under whatever cover he could find or spreading out the tarp he'd brought to protect himself. He caught up with them by midnight most days; Raven and Leo were moving at a leisurely pace. This desert journey was about the company, not the destination.

For Raph, it was about the chase. There was no logical reason to chase Leo, but there was anger, betrayal, jealousy. Those were the things that drove Raph to leave New York and dig his toes into burning sand in pursuit of his brother. Hearing Leo's soft, sexual purr from the tent, his confident chuckle, drove fire through Raph's veins. A few months ago, it would have been him in that tent with Leo, him underneath those skilled fingers, his lips being kissed, his sex being tasted. Now, it was her.

The Hamato clan had known Raven for a long time. They'd met her as a teenaged superhero, Radical, fighting Complete Carnage in the park. They'd helped her and though she was kind of spoiled and bratty, she'd joined the ranks of their ragtag allies. Periodically, they ran into her or Complete Carnage, but none of them developed an especially close relationship to her.

All that changed when Radical herself changed. Maybe it was growing up, maybe it was her power, who knew, but as she grew into her 20s, she began to blossom into a different person. She took a job as a tribal curator and teacher. Sweat lodges, meditation, dancing, drumming … Hazel became Raven, reconnecting with the Native heritage she'd always ignored before. She'd never been more herself, she said. That was when Leo took notice of her.

When she visited the lair, trips that grew in frequency and duration, Raven and Leo spent hours in tandem meditation, just sitting in silence side by side with closed eyes. During dinner they spoke

in hushed voices and shared secret laughs, touches. Even when Raph was in Leo's bed, for Leo rarely invited himself into Raph's room anymore, there was a distance that Raph had never felt before. For all their differences, Leo had always been right there with him, but more and more it seemed as Leo was looking past Raph's shoulder, beyond him, fucking Raph's body with a distracted mind. Raph didn't understand it but he definitely didn't like feeling like Leo's sex doll.

"What's so fuckin' great about Raven Shadowface anyway!?" Raph demanded, huffing himself against the wall that served as Leo's headboard. Sweat dripped down both of their bodies and Raph's thighs were sticky with sex.

Leo frowned, sitting back on his heels, leveling a testing look at Raph, telling Raph to drop it before the argument began. "It's Shadowheart, Raph. You don't have to be disrespectful."

"Disrespectful?" Raph sneered. "I'm disrespectful?"

"Yes, you are," Leo replied tersely, hauling off the bed. He cleaned his tail and legs with a washcloth and tossed it into Raph's hamper. "I'm not having this fight with you again."

"Yeah, I'm disrespectful," Raph growled, as though he hadn't heard Leo at all. "You're over here fuckin' me like I'm just some toy to shove your dick in while you daydream about – about her, and I'm the disrespectful one. Yeah, okay. That's real rich, Leo."

Face screwed in distaste, Leo turned away. With slow purpose, he picked up each piece of gear he'd stripped and slid them back on, lastly tying his bandanna over his eyes. "You don't know me at all," Leo murmured quietly, opening his door in a clear directive for Raph to excuse himself.

"Yeah, well, fuck you too," Raph snarled and barreled himself out of the room. That was how Leo wanted it? Fine.

Leo and Raph didn't talk for a while after that. Breakfast was spent in silence, Raph glaring and Leo pretending not to notice. The rest of their family made no mention; the quarrels between their brothers had only increased in severity since the two had shared a bed and the rest of the clan knew that it was only a matter of time until that train screeched off its precarious rails. They just hoped that their brothers would come out relatively unscathed and that the deep love they shared would be enough to see them through the inevitable explosion of their relationship.

It might have been, maybe, if Leo hadn't left for Arizona with Raven a few days after the fight. Setting his empty rice bowl on the counter, Leo declared that he was undergoing a training mission, a journey with Raven into the southwest desert to learn new methods of meditation and spiritual strength. So matter-of-factly, so carelessly he said it, as if he wasn't ripping Raph's heart out and throwing it there on the rough wood for everyone to see.

"I don't know when I will return," Leo said softly, "but I know that this journey will make me a better leader."

Better Leader. That was all Leo needed to say to garner Splinter's approval and Leo wouldn't have left without it. Not now. Not yet. Splinter's approval meant something to Leo, filled a pervasive need within him for acceptance and acknowledgment. Maybe Raven filled that too, because Raph was pretty damn sure Leo was filling her needs.

That was weeks ago and Raph had been following Raven and Leo almost since then. He hadn't put much thought into it, just packed up and left. It was near midnight when Raph had caught up to camp. As he listened to the faded voices in the distance, a snake slithered by. With quick, powerful hands, Raph snatched the reptile from the sand and crushed its head in his hand. It was kind of fucked up to kill a fellow reptile, he knew, but a turtle had to eat. Raph drank from cacti

when he found them, pulled snakes out of holes, or ripped the hairy legs off tarantulas for sustenance. He listened to Leo and Raven talk as he tore stringy strips of snake off with his teeth. The first snake he'd tried to get was a rattler and it'd bit his hand and slid away. Raph's skin had swelled around the twin marks, red and irritated. Even though that was days ago, it still hurt.

"Do you understand?" Raven asked softly.

"I do," Leo replied and they shared a gentle kiss.

Raph wanted to throw up. Every night with this shit. They spent so much time looking at each other's faces that it was a wonder any meditation happened at all. Maybe that was how Leo hadn't noticed Raph following them. Maybe Leo was just too wrapped up in Radical; maybe he did notice and just didn't make mention of it.

The night faded and Leo packed up camp while Raven greeted the sun or something. Raph couldn't see them over the sand that'd blown around him through the night, but he heard Leo breaking down poles and pouring sand into the fire pit. Good; Raph was tired. When Leo and Raven hoisted their packs, twined their fingers together, and started to walk again, Raph fell asleep.

Only a few hours later, a sharp prick of pain startled Raph awake. His leg was aching, red hot waves of pain convulsing up to his thigh and through his toes already. Alert, Raph swiveled his head around until he found the source; a tawny scorpion had been burrowed in the sand and Raph must have disturbed it, because it'd done what it knew how to defend its home: stung Raph.

Scuttling out of the sand and away, Raph cussed under his breath. There weren't scorpions in NYC, not that he'd ever seen. Was it poisonous? Should he try to suck the poison out?

He wished Donnie was there. Don would know what to do, but Don was thousands of miles away and the shell cell didn't work in the desert. Swallowing hard, Raph took a few more steps. Leo would know what to do too; he'd have a damn scorpion bite first aid kit in his bag probably. Or maybe Leo though Raph should meditate the poison away, since pain was "only in the mind" anyway.

It took a couple more hours for Raph to really feel the venom, paralyzing his leg. He drug it uselessly behind him, carving a canyon in the sand; if anyone was following him, it would be all too easy now. The pain was worse and his leg spasmed, but Raph didn't feel like he was going to die. The only thing to do was to wait it out and keep moving. Any place he'd seek shelter during the day, those little buggers probably would too.

But he couldn't keep going like this. Raph plopped down next to a cactus and took out his knife, carefully cutting off a piece to suck the pulpy liquid out. He should keep going, but he was too tired and it was too hot. Maybe he'd just sleep here until the sun went down. Letting his eyes slide closed, Raph laid in the sand, wishing he could sweat or that he had some water to swim in. He never thought he'd miss the dark dampness of the sewers.

It was well into the night when Raph woke. Rolling his sore shoulders, Raph sat and looked around. He'd stumbled somewhat aimlessly after the scorpion sting and nothing looked familiar; just sand and scrub in all directions. Leo and Raven headed north each day and Raph squinted into the sky. Left. He needed to go left.

Hauling himself out of the dune, Raph concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. That was all he needed to do right now, just focus on getting to where he needed to be. Maybe he should ambush Leo's camp, make him feel Raph's presence and fury, let him see how Raph had suffered for Leo. Punish Leo for ever leaving, for making Raph leave, for putting them both in this

fucked-up situation.

But he couldn't do that. Pride wouldn't allow it and Raph's constitution was strong enough that he was sure he could keep going. As long as it took, he'd persist. So what if the venom of snakes and scorpions coursed through his blood, so what if he hadn't eaten or drunk anything substantial in days, so what if the sun blazed at day and the air chilled his bones at night? He would make it. He had to make it because the only other option was to die here, alone, in the desert sand.

Was that what his life had led to? Was this really where his choices had brought him? It all seemed so trivial now, so stupid. Why hadn't he just talked to Leo, told him that he didn't want him to go? Whatever Raven gave him, whatever she was to him, Raph could be that. Or maybe he couldn't, but that didn't mean he wanted to be alone. As much as he separated himself from his brothers, that was one thing Raph had never truly wanted. To be alone was the worst thing and that was why Raph often felt the way he did. His anger bubbled up, spilling out into the streets in eruptions of violence, his own way of screaming against the void. They, his family, were alone in this world.

And now Raph was alone in the desert. He just had to keep moving. Left foot, right foot. Ignore the pain. In his body. His heart. Push it down. Away. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Grains of sand swirled in the night breeze, blowing into Raph's dry eyes as he trekked onward. It seemed like Leo had gone farther than usual, but maybe it was Raph's perception, the overwhelming weariness in his body and soul, but finally, after a forever, an eternity, Raph caught the soft glow of Leo's campfire in the distance.

Raph hit his knees. He could see them now; Leo caressing Radical, cupping her cheek. They were still awake, smiling, talking softly, kissing by the firelight. Leo slid Raven's blouse down her shoulders, exposing her caramel skin to the moonlight, then rounded his hands over her soft breasts, worshiping her warm skin, starlight sparkling in his dark eyes as he gazed upon her. Gently, Leo laid Raven down over the Pendleton blankets, covering her small body with his own larger, more muscular one.

"Leo," Raph croaked, voice harsh from dehydration. Leo kissed Radical again and Raph laid his head in the sand, unable to watch. Idly, he wondered if Leo would notice when Raph had stopped chasing him. He wished he could call Donnie or Mikey or even his father. He didn't want to die here, alone in the desert with a mouth full of sand, but the air was so dry and he was so tired and his soul was too heavy to carry anymore. When Raph closed his eyes, he did not open them again.


End file.
